Blind Al - Breakfast - P. A. Nolte

1/ Clad only in his mask, belt, and a pair of tighty whities, Deadpool descends the stairway of the Deadhut into the kitchen.  As you would expect, the place kind of looks like the Paper Street House from Fight Club.  Wade's not going to clean up, and Blind Al claims she can't see any mess.  Speaking of which, she's sitting at the breakfast table with a bowl of oatmeal listening to a nearby radio.

Deadpool: Morning, beautiful.  What's for breakfast?

Blind Al: Oatmeal.

Deadpool: Eugh.  No thanks.  Maple-flavored dookie.

Blind Al: Wasn't offering.

2/ Deadpool proudly brandishes a skillet.  In the blink of an eye, he's wearing a chef's hat on his stupid, stupid head, and an apron that says PETA IS FOR QUITTERS.

Deadpool: I'm making waffles!  And bacon.  And eggs.  And maybe some lasagna.

Deadpool: Ooo!  I didn't trick you into eating all of my vegemite again, did I?  A smoothie would be really good right now...

3/ Al, with a spoon of oatmeal halfway to her mouth, pauses to poke Deadpool right in the tummy.  Right in his poochy little merceneary tummy.

Blind Al: Ugh.  You gotta learn to eat better.  Every time you lose your healing factor, it's an overnight Freshman fifteen, and then I have to hear your fat body sloshing around.  It's gross.

Blind Al: Have some oatmeal.

4/ Deadpool recoils in mock terror, his balled hands going up to his chin.  Next to him is a thought balloon of a morbidly obese Deadpool whose suit doesn't quite contain all of that, ... awesomeness?  Yeah, we'll go with awesomeness.

Deadpool: Hey!  That doesn't happen that often...

Thoughtpool: Doesn't it?

5/ Turning his attention back to the stove, Deadpool waves her and his fat thoughtself away.  One hand on the dial.

Deadpool: Whatever.  I'm sexy and you know it.

Deadpool: Bring on the meat sweats!

SFX: klik

6/ SFX: FWOOSH

7/ In the foreground, Al casually takes another bite of her oatmeal.  In the background, Deadpool is a charred Looney Tune.

Blind Al: Oh yeah.

Blind Al: I think I broke the stove.

Deadpool: ...hrk.

Blind Al--The Odd Couple--David Press.

PAGE ONE.

1.1: We’re going to open with a medium shot of BLIND AL dispensing of a body that lays folded in many gruesome angles in the bathtub. The red, black, and white polka dot shower curtain is drawn to the left of the panel. We can’t tell whether the body is a man or woman, but there are body parts in every direction and

1. BLIND AL:         Going to have to do this Breaking Bad-style.

1.2: She walks out of frame—towards the reader—limbs are still sticking out of the bathtub.

2. BLIND AL:         Where’d I put that lime?

1.3: Walking back into the same shot, Al is carrying a bucket filled with yellow lime. She’s struggling with it: sweat lines come down her face, her arms are tense, and if there’s a way to show that she’s walking kind of like a penguin then we can see how much she’s struggling with Deadpool’s leftovers.

3. BLIND AL:         Godforbid he should clean up his own freakin’ messes.

1.4: Her back turned to us she dumps the lime into the bathtub. Maybe make the special effect a kind of sickening watery sound combined with bone melting grossness.

SFX: Splish!

BLIND AL:            Ooof! Need a fan.

Blind Al - Justice Is Blind - Perry Kent

PANEL 1: 

Interior, day, dim lighting. Blind Al sits in the living room of the deadhut, bored out of her mind. Deadpool walks into the living room with his typical swagger. The living room is a disaster.

1. DEADPOOL: Lucy, I'm home!

2. AL (thought): Wade can be such a prick.

PANEL 2: 

Blind Al shuffles out of the living room toward her bedroom. Deadpool sticks his head around the corner of the hallway in the background. He holds up a jug of juice with a note that say's “Al's” on it.

3. AL(thought): Took my radio and TV and left me with books!

4. DEADPOOL: What's in this jug with your name on it? Prune juice?

PANEL 3:

Blind Al closes the door behind her as she enters her bedroom. The bedroom is also a disaster. Deadpool's voice carries through the door and thin walls.

5. DEADPOOL (OP): Since you're too busy pouting I'm going to drink this!

6. AL(thought): He'll do anything just to piss me off.

7. DEADPOOL (OP): Eeuck, it tastes like the pucker of a raisin...

PANEL 4:

Blind Al lays down on the bed. Her head is on a pillow with a small bottle visible under the edge of the pillow, though the label isn't quite clear.

8. AL (thought): But I give as good as I get.

9. DEADPOOL (OP): Ugh… I don't feel so good.

PANEL 5:

Blind Al smiles as she lays on the bed. The bottle is still visible under the edge of the pillow.

10. DEADPOOL (SFX)(OP): HHHrraaahhhhkkkk!

11. DEADPOOL (OP): Oh god… The vomit… It tastes worse…

PANEL 6:

A close view of Blind Al's head. She smiles with contentment and the label on the bottle is finally visible. The bottle label says “Ipecac”.

12. DEADPOOL (SFX)(OP): HHHrraaahhhhkkkk!

13. AL (thought): His move.

- END -

 

Blind Al – Blind Logic – MK Stangeland Jr.

(6 Panels)

Panel 1: DEADPOOL is at BLIND AL’s house. Her sunglasses have been replaced with some kind of high-tech version that allows her to see. A fresh, hot pot of coffee is stationed nearby.

DEADPOOL (1): There’s something different about you.

YELLOW BOX: Is it a new haircut? It’s a new haircut.

BLIND AL (1): Oh, you noticed my new sight glasses.

BLIND AL (2): The best in artificial sight technology, built off of years of superhero shenanigans.

DEADPOOL (2): That was going to be my second guess.

Panel 2: AL ‘accidentally’ – but not really – knocks the coffee over so that it lands on DEADPOOL.

DEADPOOL: EEEE!

AL (1): Whoops!

AL (2): Sorry, I’m still getting use to them.

Panel 3: DEADPOOL stands near a dartboard. The dartboard, however, is empty – the darts, being thrown by AL, have all hit DEADPOOL in the chest instead.

DEADPOOL: GAH!

AL: My bad!

Panel 4: A wrapped CHIMICHANGA that AL was tossing to DEADPOOL goes wide – it flies in his general direction, but not close enough that DEADPOOL could actually be expected to catch it.

AL (1): Oops!

AL (2): Silly me.

Panel 5: A car being driven by AL runs over DEADPOOL.

SFX: THWUNK!

Panel 6: A highly beat-up DEADPOOL lies on the ground, it’s pretty clear that if he wasn’t DEADPOOL, the impact from AL hitting him with her car would have killed him. BLIND AL stands over him.

AL: Sorry, Wade, I didn’t see you there.

YELLOW BOX: I’m starting to get the impression that Al’s not being honest about her glasses.

(END PAGE)

Blind Al - Housewarming - Grant McLaughlin

I won't lie, I'm not crazy up on my current Deadpool continuity.  I gather he's married?  Or dead?  Maybe both?  Either way, on this page, he's having Blind Al (and a bunch of other people) over to his new pad for a housewarming, which is mostly just a house in suburbia that's filled with his junk.

1 - Establishing shot of Deadpool's house, which is just a regular suburban house.  There might even be matching ones on either side.  There's evidence of the people in attendance outside (the Spider-Buggy is parked in the driveway, some members of Hydra are walking up to the door, etc).
NOTE: Throughout the rest of the page, feel free to litter the background with all manner of cameos and the like to show that the party is bumpin'.

DEADPOOL (within): Welcome to the Pool House!

BLIND AL (within): Did you really name it that?  Are there any cute cabana boys about?

DEADPOOL (within): Why does everyone keep asking that question?

2 - Blind Al sits at a table.  Deadpool is walking from the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in his hand.  Deadpool looks gravely concerned, while Al facepalms at his stupidity.  A beer sits across from Al on the table.

BLIND AL: Is there at least, you know, a pool?

DEADPOOL: Al, you're talking to him right now!

BLIND AL (1): I'm blind, not demented.

BLIND AL (2) (quietly): Which is clearly more than can be said for you...

3 - Deadpool sits down next to Al, putting his arm around her shoulder in a chummy way.  The coffee is in front of Al on the table.  Deadpool is about to take a swig of his beer.

DEADPOOL: Oh, Al.  Isn't this nice?  Just like old times, eh?

BLIND AL: You mean like when you tortured me incessantly?

4 - On Deadpool as he open his eyes wide in shock, slurping up a bunch of beer accidentally.

DEADPOO: *slurp!*

5 - Deadpool scratches at the back of his head awkwardly, trying to steer the conversation elsewhere.

DEADPOOL: I always, uh, thought of it more as showing I cared.  In my own unique way.

BLIND AL: Water under the bridge, Wade.

6 - Blind Al calmly holds the cup of coffee.  Deadpool is shocked again, but for different reasons, looking at his beer in a surprised manner.

BLIND AL (1): You're right though.  It is nice to see you again.

BLIND AL (2): And speaking of old times, I spiked your drink with enough laxatives to kill an elephant.

7 - Al takes a sip.  Deadpool looks down at his stomach, which is making a terrible sound.  Everyone else in the kitchen also looks over to see what the commotion from his stomach is about.

BLIND AL: Enjoy.

SFX (from Deadpool's stomach): GGgrMMmbbblll!

Why Blind Al?

Because she's one of the last characters I would want to write.

Let me back up.

I don't think I'm telling you anything new when I say we try to tie in our week's with movie releases, and I know I'm not telling you anything new when I mention that the Deadpool movie is in the process of dropping into movie theatres near you.

Of course, seeing as we'd already done the ol' Merc with a Mouth, an alternate was required.  Thinking over the many figures who would be appearing in the film in one way or another, I couldn't help but feel Blind Al would be the hardest one to write.  Her relationship with Wade has always been that balance of antagonistic but friendly that's so challenging to hit but so satisfying to experience.  While a longstanding member of the Deadpool clan, there's still all kinds of unknown aspects to her character to explore.  And an old blind woman who's sassy as hell is about as far outside my wheelhouse as I could imagine.

And that's what this writing thing is about.  Pushing yourself and facing down the obstacles that look ever so daunting at first blush.  I didn't have much of a clue what I'd write when we settled on Al, so here's hoping I managed to get somewhere.

Let's do our Thought Balloons' tradition proud and write the hell out of some Deadpool-adjacent characters, shall we?  As ever, we'd love to see you join us down below in the comments with scripts of your own.  If I can figure something out, I have every faith you can to.